Arthur Miller had a son with Down syndrome - part 2

I couldn't help but think of George Will, the brilliant conservative commentator who also has a son with Down syndrome and who brought him home and brought him up and discovered that a child doesn't have to be intellectually gifted to be gifted in ways that you want to share with the world.

It wasn't that I couldn't make the moral distinction to say this is a grievous sin. I could and it is. I just cried because my heart ached for the wrongness of the situation. I have spoken and written many times about the brave parents who refused the medical establishment's advice to "go home and try again" and who discovered that kids with Down syndrome had greater potential than anyone ever realized - all they needed was love to thrive and grow.

But the irony is that Miller should have been one of those people - one of those who thought outside the box, the nonconformist, the one who questioned authority, who thought for himself. How ironic, sad, and hypocritical to continue to live your live as though that was who you were when at the most crucial test you failed completely.

So my tears for Miller were only for the fact that he had missed perhaps the most glorious opportunity to allow himself to be changed and grow. I know that my own creativity was unleashed shortly after Jonny's birth. He was born in 1992, followed a year later by Madeleine. And then I began to write - even as we also began adopting more kids with Down syndrome.

My advice to writers is always not to cut yourself off from life to find yourself creatively, but to dive into it. I don't think it's an accident that Jesus picked up the dust from the ground and spit on it to make the blind man see. The willingness with which we embrace service to others some might deem lowly lights a fire within us that becomes a thing of beauty. Think of Henri Nouwen and his beautiful writing, who sacrificed high position within the church to become a pastor/shepherd for a community of developmentally challenged adults. Since then his writing has resonated even more.

Ted - I do not blame Inge at all. The article made it clear that she would not have chosen to institutionalize her son, but was bending to the will of Miller. I've seen this happen in the cases of the three children I've adopted - one parent willing to keep him, one not (and not always the father rejecting). The other parent goes along to save the marriage. that's just the way it is. Inge showed her devotion through her visits to Daniel. I don't for a moment think she approved of and condoned everything - I think she was just getting by with an extremely forceful personality.

I also think I answered your defense of Miller based on the fact of the negative advice prevalent about Down syndrome in those days. We all know that. But my point is that if Miller were the true brilliant outside-the-box thinker he was supposed to have been, he would have come to a different conclusion - like those couples from the heartland who did take their babies home and who proved what individuals with Down syndrome could do.

Our country is the best in the world for realizing and dealing with our mistakes. There is no better place for a person with disabilities to live (which is why we have one adopted child with Down syndrome from Taiwan - his parents could see he would experience a better life here). But we put the wrong people on pedestals - people like Arthur Miller who used his creativity to establish his elite credentials by telling us theatrically how messed up our lives were. While across America were nobodies in flyover country quietly making heroic decisions which would impact their families and their communities for good the rest of their days.

Holly, my tears weren't just sympathy for Miller, but just sadness at the human condition, at Miller's self-delusion and his missing what might have been the greatest opportunity of his life to expand and grow as a person, an artist and a mensch.

Related articles:

About that extra chromosome

Down syndrome: There's a purpose

All MommyLife entries concerning Down syndrome

Photo album of my son Jonny - now 15

If you look at the photos of Jonny, you'll understand why someone with a person with Down syndrome in his or her life will bring a lot more to the reading of this article about Arthur Miler. It's important to remember that Daniel is the biggest part of this particular Arthur Miller piece - the heroism of who Daniel became in spite of the injustice committed against him. I thought the author did a very good job of weaving his life into the story - I would love to have seen some pictures of him because a picture says a thousand words and as you can see from Jonny's, the irrepressible joy is better captured by a camera than by words.

When the people who knew Daniel spoke of what a wonderful guy he was, I hope the readers of Vanity Fair could understand at some level what they were talking about, that they weren't just so disgusted by the whole idea of Down syndrome that they were sitting back in their expensive leather chairs going "hunh?"

And I was not surprised when the author mention Daniel Day-Lewis, the actor who married Daniel Miller's sister was appalled by Arthur Miller's casting him away. Remember, Daniel Day-Lewis had done a brilliant job in My Left Foot: the Story of Christy Brown showing the humanity of a person many would have cast away themselves. He had to know what a terrible and grievous sin this was.

Frankly, I was surprised that Vanity Fair pushed into this territory and that the reporter handled Daniel with such dignity and respect. I thank her for that. It provided a facet that made the piece shine like a perfectly cut jewel.

Let's not forget that at the center of this discussion are individual people - like the ones Miller purported to speak for when he was on a pedestal - who have the same need to be loved and are deserving of the same respect as even the most brilliant playwright on the planet.

My heart doesn't ache for Daniel. He's an overcomer. I would love to meet him some day!
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Originally published at MommyLife