Fathers often find they have no say when it comes to the life of their unborn child. At best they can try to persuade the mother to have the baby, but that's the extent of their involvement.
While this is the most critical father's rights issue, it's not the only one either. Divorced fathers who do not have residential/physical custody of their children have the same difficulty in raising their children - they are free to suggest, but have little actual say in matters. (Now, sometimes this situation is reversed and a mother finds herself in this position, but more often than not it's the other way around.)
While divorce orders and agreements try to give fathers some say, it's up to the mother to honor those documents - and if she chooses not to, the best a father can do is take her to court, at great expense
And going to court doesn't guarantee a father anything but high legal bills - I took my child's mother to court recently and walked away with a decent agreement as well as a $5,000 bill from my lawyer. And guess what? Getting his mother to honor this new agreement has been difficult to say the least.
The system is stacked against fathers - for example, if a father refuses to pay child support due to denied visitation, he faces the threat of jail, a suspended drivers license, wage garnishment, and so forth. Yet if a mother denies visitation, in the short term all she faces is a slap on the wrist - if she faces anything at all - no suspended license, wage garnishment, jail, etc..
Don't get me wrong, I'm not advocating a father not support his child at all - but this is a common reaction when visitation is denied.
I find it interesting that many states have child support enforcement agencies, but I have yet to hear of one that has a visitation enforcement agency - and by that I don't mean the court.
(click the link below the picture to continue reading...)
A parent that is refused visitation should be able to file a complaint with an agency, which in turn would result in assistance by that agency in enforcing visitation. The agency should have the authority to transfer the children to the father for purposes of visitation, and if necessary, this would include entering the mother's residence in order to retrieve the children.
The bottom line is the system is broke and needs fixing. A father shouldn't have to try and resolve this problem by being tied up in court for months on end, while the mother denies visitation.
Now, it's one thing when a man "finds" a new interest and divorces his children's mother - he has only himself to blame for his divorce woes.
But "no fault" divorce is a different problem, and when it's forced upon a father, he is often reduced to being a living financial institution for his ex and his children, with visitation moderated by the mother (despite the order of the court).
Essentially, no fault divorce makes a father powerless to do anything but fork over money. That's not too unlike a father who has no say in a decision to keep a child instead of aborting it - he will be legally responsible for supporting the child, with the weight of the state behind the mother to ensure that he does.
Depending on what state the divorce takes place in, a father is further put in economic bondage, under the weight and power of the state. In NY for example, a divorced fathers must pay for their children's college. A married father is not under any legal obligation to do so, but a divorced one is.
Granted, if the roles are reversed a mother may find the deck stacked against her, so in some ways these issues are not exclusive to fathers - but in practice the mothers usually get residential custody of the children, and so fathers are the ones who typically face these problems.
The system needs fixing, and it's time for fathers and mothers to demand that fathers', as well as and non-custodial mothers', rights be respected and enforced - and the time to start is now, before the 2008 elections.
In closing, while I've had problems with my child's mother not honoring court orders and agreements, I haven't had half the problems some fathers face.
I was able to enjoy this past father's day with my son, and we caught a shark. Unfortunately, there are many fathers who couldn't enjoy the luxury of spending time with their child due to denied visitation....
