Recently a reader shared with me the pain he felt following his participation in the abortion of his child. The torment that he and other men experience is not unique although it is often veiled and suppressed by a society that denies the humanity of the unborn and the role of the father in the life of each child before birth. Post-abortion counseling services are seeing an increasing number of men come forward, grieving their aborted children.
David A. Wemhoff (NRTL) writes,
I carried the weight of the death of my child alone until just recently. That is very common, and there are reasons for it.Dr. Theresa Burke is the co-author of the book Forbidden Grief and founder of Rachel's Vineyard ministries for post-abortive men and women. Dr. Wayne Brauning is the founder and director of Men's Abortion ReCovery (MARC). Both minister to those who chose abortion, including men. "I suggest that the one main link that has been left out of pro-life efforts is men," Brauning writes.A man is not supposed to feel anything for the loss of a child through abortion, according to the mandarins of American society. After all, they say, we men can't get pregnant and the Supreme Court said the choice to abort belonged solely to women. The court made it clear that not even a woman's husband has any say in the matter.
. . . Women who abort are sometimes called the "walking wounded," but there are millions of men as well who carry this pain in their hearts. We are everywhere, yet almost all of us remain alone in our pain.
Ashli, who publishes TheSicleCell, writes the moving story of a friend, "The Admiral", who resonded with despair following his role in the death of his child (HT: AfterAbortion):
It seems he and his darling, freshly-married, were graced with an unplanned pregnancy, one that they perceived as a threat to their professional and perhaps emotional future. It was decided that the child had come too soon, and so the child was turned away in an early, surgical abortion. Uncharacteristically, the Admiral was permitted to attend, that is to say... he was present. He described in detail the procedure and the concurrent incomprehensible mix of revulsion and emasculation that he experienced. He watched as his child was liquefied and aspirated, and this effectively ended the Admiral's life.For countless men who, like the Admiral, bear the burden of their actions there is help. AfterAbortion has published a number of testimonies by men who grapple with guilt following the abortion of their child and provides links to ministries who can help.All at once, he became a survivor. It was nothing the intelligent resident could have foreseen.
An only child, his parents had both died while he was still young. High school if I recall correctly. He lived on his own for a while, an avid cyclist, camping in the woods, providing his own medical care, eccentric genius that he was.
Abortion touched him in a place he did not know existed. His child was a light in the dark, a fact that had not been illumined until abortion extinguished vibrant rays. And what was left was darker than anything before.
One such ministry is Lumina, a non-denominational post-abortion referral network. And, Rachel’s Vineyard has a resource page for men [HT: Open Wide the Doors to Christ]
Fatherhood Forevever is dedicated to helping men who have been hurt by an abortion experience and are trying to understand and deal with their emotions.
MARC Ministries, run by Wayne Brauning ((610) 384-3210) provides post-abortion recovery for men and Healing Hearts provides resources for men.
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